Freddy vs Ieva
by Ieva
Summary: This story is based on a dream I had. One where I wound up fighting the Freddy guy and actually winning.
1. Bill the Hat

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Freddy or Jason or anything except myself.

_The scene is an old, foggy graveyard. This is a special graveyard; the tombstones never say the same thing twice (if they can be read at all), it is always a moonless, starless night, and there is no natural sound whatsoever.  Yes, it is the graveyard of dreams (dundunduuuuuun *lightning crashes*)._

**Round 1:  Bill the Hat**

Ieva (humming): Where once was light, now darkness falls.  Where once was love, love is no more.  Don't say goodbye.  Don't say I didn't try…saaaay, how did I wind up here?  Last time I looked up, I was in a banana covered library.  Oh, well, I guess I'll just walk around until I wind up somewhere else. *wanders about vaguely and starts humming again*

*Freddy jumps out from behind a tombstone and waves his claws in a 'menacing' way*

Freddy: Time to die!

Ieva:  Eh?

Freddy: I _said_ time to DIE!  Shouldn't you be screaming and trying to run away!?!

Ieva: Why would I do that?

Freddy: Because I'm going to kill you!  Don't you know who I am?

Ieva: Noooo…wait!  You're either Jason or Freddy; I can never get them right.

Freddy: I'm FREDDY!

Ieva: I thought Freddy was the one with the hockey mask.

Freddy: NO! That's JASON!  

Ieva: Ooooh.  So Freddy is the one with the claws, and Jason is the one with the mask, right?

Freddy: YES.  _Now are you going to scream and try to run away? _

Ieva: No.

Freddy: AAARRRGH!!!

Ieva: *snicker snort giggle*

Freddy: WHAT is so FUNNY?

Ieva: Your hat.  That is the *snicker* _stupidest_ hat I have ever seen.*giggle*

Freddy:  Is NOT! *hugs hat* Don't make fun of Bill!

Ieva: _Bill_?  The hat has a _name?_

Freddy:  Yes, he does.  You're so insensitive!  First you get me mixed up with Jason, now you insult my hat!  I'm _leaving! *Freddy runs off crying and Ieva goes back to her other dream*    _


	2. Freddy Strikes Back

Disclaimer:  I do not own Freddy or Gollum or anything I say that pertains to LotR.

**Round 2: Freddy Strikes Back **

_The next night…_

Ieva:  Oh lookie, I'm back here again!  I wonder where Frodo is.

Freddy (stepping out from behind a tombstone):  My name is FREDDY!  FRED-DY!  GET IT RIGHT!

Ieva:  Well geeze, sor-ry.  It's not _my fault you have a weird name._

Freddy: It's not as weird as Frodo!

Ieva: But Frodo is so way cooler.  

Freddy: *clutches his head and mutters to himself for a few minutes* Ok, I summoned you back here, because _nobody insults me and gets away with it! *raises claw things*_

Ieva: Ooooooo!  Shiny pointy thingies!  Can I try them on?

Freddy: NO!  MINE!  MY OWN! *hiss*

Ieva: You sound just like Gollum, you know that right?

Freddy: Who the heck is Gollum?

Ieva:  You don't know who GOLLUM is!?!  Where have you _been, under a rock? *launches into a rendition of Gollum's life history, complete with voice effects*_

_5 hours later…_

Ieva:  And _then Gollum bites Frodo's finger off, but loses his balance and falls into Mount Doom, thus destroying the Ring and becoming the true hero, because Frodo was being an idiot and even though he carried the Ring to Mordor, Gollum had it longer, __and was the one who actually destroyed it.  Hey, have you been listening?_

Freddy: *wakes up* Yes, yes, whatever.  Ok, you are the single most annoying person I have ever had to deal with.  You insult me, lecture me, _and_ you are constantly getting me off track!  Now I am going to run you through! *raises claws again*

Ieva: My claws are cooler than yours.

Freddy: What claws?  You don't have any claws.

Ieva: Hang on, let me change personalities. *closes her eyes, then sprouts cat ears, fangs, and long claws* There, now I've got my cat demon personality!  Look, _my claws are poisonous!_

Freddy: What…where…when…HOW DID YOU DO THAT!?!

Ieva: It's quite simple really.  Since this is a dream, I can change my dream personalities at will!  Most people's dream personalities are exactly like themselves because they aren't creative.  But _I am in the Sci-Fi Club, and we find our dream personality very quickly.  I actually have several._

Freddy: You are a very strange little girl.

Ieva: WHAT DO YOU MEAN LITTLE GIRL!?!  I'M NOT LITTLE!  YOU ARE SO DEAD! *lunges at Freddy with teeth bared and claws dripping poisonous fluid*

Freddy: *runs*

Ieva: *chases*

_But then, fortunately for Freddy, Ieva's mother woke her up for school.  Freddy had just enough time to stick his tongue out at Ieva before she disappeared._


	3. SciFi Club Special

_Disclaimer: No, Freddy is not mine. I just torment him._

_Author's Note: I am sorry about the spoiler thingy in the last chapter; I have never done this before. Anywho, this one features not only me, but my friends as well. You should keep in mind that we are all insane. That will be all._

**Round 3: Sci-Fi Club Special!**

_Freddy is looking over a clipboard with 'People to Kill' written across the top.  Two shadowy figures lurk behind one of the tombstones and whisper.  Suddenly, one of them sneaks over and rears up behind Freddy._

Freddy (turning around): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Shadowy Figure: Hi!  Watcha doin'? *The shadows melt away to reveal a teenage girl with big white rabbit ears*

Freddy: *clutches where his heart _would be if he had one*Oh…I thought it was…__her again…who the heck are _you_?_

Not-Very-Shadowy-Anymore Girl: I'm Brownie Child, and I'm a rabbit hanyou! *looks at list* What's that?

Freddy: It's my list of people to kill.  Go away and I won't add you to it.

Brownie Child: It's not very long.  Do you want some help?

Freddy: WHAT?!?  YOU'RE A LITTLE GIRL!!!

Brownie Child: *triples in size, eyes turn red, and holds out poisonous claws* _WHAT_ did you just call me?

Freddy: *cowering*Oh, um, er…nothing!  Nothing at all!

Brownie Child: *reverts back to previous happy self* Ok then!  Bye! *skips off*

Freddy: That was extremely strange…

Ieva (suddenly appearing two inches away from Freddy's face): Of course it was!

Freddy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  NOT YOU AGAIN!

Ieva: That wasn't very nice!  I came to get revenge, so I set the Brownie Child on you!  She's even crazier than me!

Freddy (mutters): I doubt that…

Ieva: It's true!  But _you're a lemming!_

Freddy: Lemming?

Ieva: Normal person, silly!

Freddy: I am NOT normal!  If I'm what you call normal, I'd hate to see what you call insane.

_Suddenly a very tired pajama-clad teenage girl with her hair messed up and her eyes half closed appears a few feet away_

Freddy: *points* Now _that_ is normal!

Girl: *snaps her head up and starts crackling with blue electricity* WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!?

Ieva (muttering): That was so very stupid of you.  Goodbye, I'm going to hide now. *runs behind a tombstone*

Girl: *begins pelting Freddy with electric macaroni* I shall smite you for this insult!

Freddy: *trying to avoid flying pasta* who carries macaroni around in their dreams?!?

Girl: I, the Jabberwocket, do!

_Another teenage girl appears.  She wears the Ring of Power around her neck and a T-shirt with an orange on the front.  _

New Girl: I, the Orange of Doom, hereby confiscate this questionable pasta on the grounds that it is questionable.

Jabberwocket: Awww, but he called me normal…

Orange of Doom: But I'm _hungry_!  And I rule the world, so there!

Freddy: You're too short to rule anything.

Ieva:  Ooooh, shit…this tombstone is _not_ going to provide adequate shelter…RUN AWAY!!!! *runs as fast as she can away from Freddy*  

Jabberwocket: WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEE! *runs after Ieva*

Orange of Doom (who is now wreathed in flame): YOU JUST CALLED ME SHORT!  YOU SHALL NOW BE PUNISHED! *begins to barbeque Freddy with black and red fire until she, too, vanishes*

Ieva: *creeps back into the scene, where a thoroughly blackened Freddy stands in the center of a crater* Don't you know _anything you baka?  You never, __ever call Orange-Sama short.  And you called Jabberwocket __normal!_

Freddy: Friends of yours I suspect?

Ieva: Oh yes.  The one with the pasta was Jabberwocket, and she's the goddess of lightning.  The one who just barbequed you is The Orange of Doom, and she's the goddess of darkness and flame.  And you've seen Brownie Child.  The ones you haven't met are called…

Freddy: There are MORE of you?!?

Ieva:  Of course!  There's Ally and Chibi and Nat and Cindy and…

Freddy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  NOOOOOOOO!!! *Freddy runs away screaming*

Ieva (waving at the fast retreating Freddy): See you tomorrow night then! *is answered by a faint, girlish shriek* Well, I suppose that's a yes.


	4. Geometry and Crayons and Mental Breakdow...

_Disclaimer: No, I do not own Freddy._

_Author's Note: I'm sorry to say that I probably won't be writing on this story anymore.  I might add a finale chapter, but what with school and such, I don't know. This chapter is short, I know; sorry 'bout that.  Thank you all for your nice reviews, they made me very happy. ^_^_

**Round 4: Geometry and Crayons and Mental Breakdowns, Oh My!**

Freddy (wandering about in a state of nervous collapse): It's okay…she's not coming back for at least another 5 hours…don't panic now, get a grip…AUGH!  WHAT WAS THAT?!? *looks around wildly and sees that he has merely stepped on one of his suspense twigs* Oh…it's not her…*suddenly he hears muttering that is not his own, and he freaks out.  Then he quietly walks toward the noise and sees Ieva sleeping on a tombstone and muttering*

Ieva: Parabolas…answer is 42…yes I finished the problem…*eyes flutter open at Freddy's slightly muffled shriek* Oh, hello.  Geometry was sooo boring today that I must have dozed off, and now I'm here!

Freddy: Great, now I have to worry about you during the _day too._

Ieva: Hey, look!  I've got crayons in my pocket!  YAY! *begins running around scribbling on everything*

Freddy:  NOOOOO!  YOU CAN'T DO THAT! STOPPIT!

Ieva (not listening): La, la, la, la, la!

Freddy: *curls on the ground in fetal position*

Ieva: *notices and stops coloring* what's with you?

Freddy: Colors…too…bright…

Ieva: Oh, well why didn't you say so?  I'm going exploring! *walks off*

Freddy: *continues muttering for a while until he hears a series of loud crashes* WHAT DID SHE DO NOW?!? *runs over to find Ieva standing by a row of knocked-over tombstones, which are still falling in a domino effect*

Ieva: Whoops.

Freddy: AUGH!  YOU KNOCKED OVER ALL THE TOMBSTONES!

Ieva: It's your fault for arranging them in a domino-ish fashion.  And they're flimsy; I just touched one and it fell over.

Freddy (clutching his head): mumble…mumble…mumble

*a far-off bell rings*

Ieva: YAY! Class is over! *disappears*


End file.
